I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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