I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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