I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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