so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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