She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
