I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
