you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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