As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
