I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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