I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
