I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So vagazzling was a success
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
