My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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