I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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