instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
