Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
