he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Never underestimate the power of titties
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
