i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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