$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
