Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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