people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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