Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
