FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
