Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
