even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's never too late to be topless.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
