you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
