I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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