How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
