she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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