My friends, they love my intelligence
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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