Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
