I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
