I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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