yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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