mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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