I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
