70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So much rum. So many feels.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
