i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
