Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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