How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just want to make out with him forever
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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