I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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