i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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