How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
