i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
