wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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