just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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