Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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