i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
