I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
