Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
