I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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