I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
