Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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